Caution: Hard Hat Area

The Real Bananaman

Posted in Emo by akosibananaman on November 18, 2008

i’ve done it again. i’m like britney spears with bigger boobs but not the silicon. from the first day i took our relationship head on, i thought of this day… that i’d snap back to my old selfish self again and not care about how the other end takes the blow. i just had to end it. again, another perfect girl i’ve hurt. another great relationship i’ve thrown away just like that.

i don’t know what they see in me. i’m an obese nerd who still lives with his parents, who still doesn’t have a degree, who doesn’t drive his own car. it’s just stupid. i wouldn’t even fall for myself. i’m terrible and i tend to hurt anyone who gets close to me. too close.

i make every girl i get-in-a-relationship-with feel that they are loved. a love like edward cullen’s love for bella. a love like that. but i must warn you, it wears off. like every perfume, it smells so good right at the very moment you apply it on you but as the day goes by, your skin starts to smell like skin again. like a magic spell that you dreamt of, too good to be real that it should stay a dream. i’m not bragging. that’s just the way i make them feel because i feel like doing those things for them. but the darkest part of it is that it wears off in a snap of a twig. and i wouldn’t even fight for what i believed in. i’d just walk away like a jerk that i am.

it was blissful – those 13 months of being with you. no other memory could ever replace that. the feelings that i’ve shared with you, they were genuine – i never faked anything. but i got tired again, my selfishness kicked in. i started thinking about how much better my life would be alone. and i thought it’d be better. well, now i’m worse than ever. but i can’t have you in my life. this pain is my own. i caused myself this and there’s nothing more i want to cause you. i broke it off with you so that you wouldn’t worry about me. i’m a burden. yeah, and a large one at that.

i loved you. but this love isn’t enough for me to stay. i will feel the emptiness again, i know. but i guess i’d have to deal with that on my own. thank you for wasting your time with me. i know you might not want to see me again and i will respect that. what i did to you is unacceptable. it’s beyond what an asshole would do. i’m more than an asshole. you deserve more. and i can’t give you that. i’m sorry.

goodbye vanessa, i hope you find what you want. as for me, i’m built for this. i will regret breaking it off with you. but i’m used to feeling like shit every now and then.

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